Eight people you’ll meet at your Christmas party

January 22, 2018

Paris Stevens

Haven for short-lived romances, colleague fall-outs and inappropriate photocopying, it’s hard to get through an office Christmas party without some festive mishaps. After a year of meetings and hard graft, the holiday spirit can take hold quickly when the free booze starts flowing and the DJ plays his best tracks. But despite the good vibes, not everyone will be on their best behaviour. Here’s who you’re likely to meet at this year’s bash.

The Crier
Laura from HR got dumped two weeks before the Christmas party- and she wants everyone to know that she’s miserable. She’ll start the night sipping prosecco, cursing men and telling anyone who’ll listen about her ex’s most annoying habits. She’ll end the night on the toilet floor, sobbing about the fact that she’ll never find love again and dribbling snot on her new dress.

The DrunkDarren the Operations Manager has been making the most of the free-flowing wine. And the cocktails. And those vodka jelly shots. By 9pm he’s already managed to delete three important files from the shared system and ask the managing director if he wants to be ‘BFFs forever’. You’ll find him collapsed in a flowerbed as you leave, mumbling something about missing the last train.

The Show Off
Hayley might be the company’s resident PR executive- but she’s also a stage school graduate with an unofficial diploma in selfie-taking. Describing herself as ‘mental’, she’s the one starting a conga line, taking over the karaoke booth and causing a scene during an ill-fated attempt at the Dirty Dancing lift. The DJ will eventually throw her off the dance floor- but not before she’s got his number and snapchatted the whole thing.

The Bore
It might be the annual Christmas party, but Marvyn from pay roll still wants to talk about work. Just when you think he can’t possibly have anything else to say about tax codes, he’ll engage you with an in-depth tale of the company’s history- complete with the Companies House reports. If you’re really lucky he might have a few drinks and tell you his entire medical history- including that time he got tonsillitis twice in a month.

The Scrooge
Nigel from Procurement hates Christmas because it’s ‘too expensive’. After moaning about the £10 Secret Santa gifts and refusing to take part in the office charity bake sale, he reluctantly bought a knock-off festive mug at Poundland for one unlucky colleague. You can find him sipping beer at the buffet, scoffing the free food and complaining about the rising cost of living.

The Exhausted Mum
Jane from Customer Services is juggling a full-time job with a young baby and a toddler who prefers running round the house in a monster costume than going to bed. Ten years ago she was the one dancing on the table- now she’s just glad to be out on the town for the night with a drink in her hand. She’ll probably slink off at 10pm after falling asleep on the loo.

The Flirt
It’s been a slow month on Tinder for the sales manager Ashley and he’s determined to show off his best moves. After a couple of drinks he’ll be charming half of the HR department with his witty chat and favourite jokes. Fast forward five hours (and eight drinks) and you’ll find him staggering towards a cab, slurring a declaration of undying love to the marketing executive who started last week.

Santa Claus
He’s everyone’s favourite Christmas visitor- the man who makes the festive magic come alive (and brings the gifts). In the words of Will Ferrell’s Elf, “SANTA’S COMING”. Don’t get too excited though, it’s only Derek from accounts in a fat suit.

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